


Nothing Out The Door

by xisuthros



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Feels, Skimmons BROTP, im sorry, this is just sad as fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-26 18:16:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18287651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xisuthros/pseuds/xisuthros
Summary: Jemma and team finally reach the Chronicom vessel that is holding Fitz in cryosleep. Jemma is having a hard time. Major feels ensue.





	Nothing Out The Door

Jemma squeezed her eyes shut as they docked aboard the Chronicom vessel, their own ship groaning and jolting as it clung to the larger vessel. Around her, the team was getting their gear ready and preparing to face whatever awaited them aboard Enoch’s hidden ship. Although the eccentric Chronicom was friends with them from their standpoint, those events had occurred in a future that now never existed in the current timeline. Because of this, there was no telling what defenses or traps that lay ahead of them as they scoured the ship for Fitz.

 

Fitz.

 

Jemma kept her eyes closed for a moment longer, trying to will away the emotions that threatened to overtake her. _He’s still alive, he’s still alive, he’s still alive_ , she kept repeating over and over as her heart clenched involuntarily. Beside her, Daisy placed a soft hand on her shoulder. Finally relenting, Jemma opened her eyes to see her friend looking at her with a mixture of sympathy and determination. In that moment, she looked like the bright-eyed hopeful hacker that Jemma first knew all those years ago.

 

“Hey.” The Inhuman said carefully. “We’re going to find him. We’re not leaving here until we do.” Jemma reached up and placed her hand over Daisy’s and smiled, though it felt forced and empty, like she was looking at the future she almost lost.

 

“I know.” She said, trying to bring all her own determination and will to the forefront. Off to the far right, Mack was loading rounds into his shotgun-axe and Piper was making sure the ship was fully docked. A surge of affection for each of them, the brave individuals who followed her without question to rescue one of their own. It was enough to make small tears form in the corners of her eyes, betraying the strength she was trying to portray. “Thank you.” Jemma said genuinely to Daisy.

 

Her friend grinned crookedly. “As if you could’ve stopped me. I’ve been shipping the two of you since day one. No way a silly thing like space is going to keep the two of you apart.” Images rushed unbidden into Jemma’s mind.

 

_Fitz looking down at her from their position on the couch, her fingers interlaced with his and his eyes sparkling with that light that Jemma knew would always make her own heart skip a beat, decades into any future._

_“Who needs space?” Fitz asks, grinning the way he always did when something clever popped into his head. “’Cause I’ve got something magnificent right here.”_

_Okay, maybe not so clever. Cheesy, even. But it made Jemma’s smile widen even more regardless, and caused her heart to beat quicker. She tilted her head slightly, taking in for a moment the incredible man she fell in love with. Both of them had gone through so much, and she was so very tired of wasting any more time. Leaning forward, Jemma’s eyes lowered to his lips and began to close her own when he instead pointed to something on the wall._

_“A picture of space.” A slight beat and Jemma couldn’t help but let out a laugh, shaking her head at the ridiculous, beautiful man next to her. “One of my most prized possessions, that is. I don’t know why it makes any significance –mmph.” The rest of his words were muffled by Jemma’s laughter and her insistent lips pressed against his own. Breaths of contentment escaped both of them as they settled deeper into each other’s embrace._

Jemma snapped out of her memory to an aching in her chest, like someone had taken a piece of her heart and ripped it away. _He’s alive, he’s alive, he’s alive_ , she repeated in her head, her own hopeful mantra. With great effort, Jemma managed to push the feelings down and smile convincingly to Daisy’s words. As she stood and gathered her supplies, Jemma could not help but wonder how long she could keep this up.

 

The vessel, as it turned out, did have a few rudimentary security systems in place. While Mack and Yo-Yo took out the small turrets that lined the entrance hall, Daisy had somehow managed to hack into the advanced alien ship. They discovered one life form on board, which they immediately knew to be Fitz. The weight on her chest seemed to lessen slightly as they made their way into the heart of the vessel. Due to the many situations they had by now faced together, the group stayed in tight formation and cleared each corner with a swiftness and effectiveness that would have made May proud. Silently, Jemma wished her and the ailing Coulson well on their beach in Tahiti and hoped they had enough time together. The grief at Coulson’s soon-to-be demise nearly caused her to momentarily lose her focus, but Daisy’s quick movement ahead snapped Jemma back to reality.

 

After a few more moments traversing the halls and getting their bearings, the team made its way to the bridge of the ship, stopping once for Mack to silently wave signals and direct their movement. Another few moments, and suddenly they were face-to-face with  Enoch, who looked no different from the one they had known in the future, despite being over seventy years younger.

 

The Chronicom did not show fear, nor anger and his vessel being boarded. In fact, he seemed almost resigned to the fact and waited patiently for the team to clear the rest of the bridge. “You have succeeded, then?” He asked once they were finished.

 

They quickly recapped the dystopian future that they had just returned from, and all the consequences that their actions had created. Enoch did not show any emotion to the news that he sacrificed himself in the future, merely looked like a professor would when a student said something mildly interesting. Once they were finished, Daisy began scanning the monitors on the bridge. Jemma had begun doing so as soon as they entered, not even bothering to check the rest of the bridge for traps or greet the past version of Enoch. Her eyes poured over the data that sprang across the holographic screens.

 

“Agent Fitz is no longer with us.”

 

The words did not register with Jemma immediately. She still scoured the bridge’s screens and noted the data that stated one life form was aboard. After a few moments, the silence was deafening. Turning, she saw that the team was looking at her with simultaneous worry and pity. Anger began to well up inside of her, filling the hole that existed in her heart. _He’s alive, he’s alive, he’s alive_ , she mentally recited, almost like a prayer.

 

“What do you mean, ‘no longer with us’?” She asked dangerously, causing even Enoch to look worried. At least, as worried as a Chronicom was capable of looking. “The scanners say one life form is aboard apart from us. Fitz is the only other person on this ship. You said that Chronicoms are made of a synthetic plastic alloy, which means you wouldn’t register on a bio scan.”

 

Enoch exchanged a meaningful glance with Daisy, who blinked away tears as she seemed to understand what was going on. “This is a Chronicom ship, Jemma.” She said, placing a hand on her forehead as the rest of the team seemed to almost wither, realizing their mistaken assumption. “Their scanners count members of their own kind. If only one life scan is showing it has to be Enoch, and only Enoch.” A pause. “Fitz isn’t here.”

 

_No_.

 

Jemma shook her head. “No.” Anger and grief poured out in equal measure, while her mind continued to convince her this was all some sort of twisted nightmare. “No, that is _not_ possible. Fitz is supposed to be here.”

 

Enoch appeared sad for the first time. “He was on board until a few weeks ago.” With a gesture, images of blurry invading forces appeared on the security feeds. “I was calibrating the vessel in the engine room when I heard the commotion. By the time I arrived back on the bridge, I saw a small ship make a jump into hyperspace and my own vessel was damaged. I have spent the last few weeks repairing the damage and was in the midst of installing a new security system when you arrived. The ease that your team avoided the larger security measures still troubles -”

 

He was cut off by Jemma stepping forward. “I don’t care about your _bloody_ security system. Where –“ She stopped. All the events of their last few weeks in the future rushed back, coupled with all the hell that the team had endured over the past few years. Maybe it was all a lie. Maybe he was still here, after all. Daisy had been wrong before, after all. The scanners might have been tampered with, Enoch could be lying to protect his charge from alterations to the timeline, or he may have stashed Fitz somewhere the invading group would not have looked. Hope burst forth in her chest, maddening in its fervor and desperate beyond belief.

 

“No.” She said firmly. “ _No._ ” Without a backwards glance, Jemma suddenly dashed from the bridge, ignoring the cries of warning from the team. She was intent on searching every single inch of this damned ship. Fitz had to be here. He simply had to. As she ran, images began flashing in her mind.

 

_A smiling Fitz and his curly hair, hefting a heavy box filled with lab equipment as they made their way towards the enormous plane. Something stirred in Jemma’s being as she watched him gush over the possible technical specifications of such a vessel, suppressing a giggle as he nearly tripped over the runway that led down from its interior. His sniff of embarrassment gave only a slight pause before he resumed his long-winded excitement. She felt a surge of fondness for her best friend as they finally entered the –_ their _, she had to remind herself – lab. Jemma was ecstatic to begin their time with the legendary Agent Coulson and his special team._

A sudden sharp turn caused her to nearly bounce off the opposing wall due to her speed as she could hear Daisy and Mack calling for her from somewhere in the distance.

 

_The fear that he might become infected with her contracted Chitauri virus spurred Jemma on as she hefted the fire extinguisher. She would do anything, absolutely anything, to avoid him sharing her fate. If she had to die, so be it, but she would be damned if Fitz had to suffer for her mistake._

_“I’m so sorry.” She breathed as the fire extinguisher hits the back of her friend’s head, leaving him sprawling on the lab floor. She was sorry not just for what she was about to do, but for all the times that she would miss with him. Suddenly, she was grateful she never acted on her little crush on Fitz; it would have made what she was about to do next to impossible. Placing the extinguisher on the counter, Jemma pressed the button to the lab door and made for the back of the plane…_

Each room the looked in was empty. Instead of increasing the hopelessness, the empty rooms seemed to fan her desperation as she continued to traverse the vessel, wary of setting off any of Enoch’s other security measures. It would not do to be killed only seconds away from seeing Fitz again.

 

_Fear engulfed her as she stood by Trip and Agent Hand. Coulson and the rest of the team had landed in the Playground and were beset on all sides by HYDRA agents. The idea of Fitz being caught in the middle of a firefight was one she was desperately trying not to imagine, while the thought of him possibly being a double agent never even crossed her mind. He was Fitz, after all. Loyal, sweet, innocent Fitz. He could no more hurt the team or betray her than she could. As soon as she was able and Agent Hand allowed, Jemma ran to her best friend, thankful that he was still with her._

Jemma’s breathing became ragged, the sound of her pounding steps echoing off the empty hall. The fact it was empty began to annoy her at each passing moment. Where was he? _He’s alive, he’s alive, he’s alive_ , she repeated over and over as she continued on.

 

_The shimmering light of the ocean danced on the wall behind him, almost capturing him in an ethereal light. Jemma, for the first time in a long while, could not form words as she replayed Fitz’s last statement. All she could do was reach out and hold him, trying to convey all the feeling she had for him into her touch. Jemma reached out and placed her hands on either side of his face, peppering him with kisses that seemed to become more and more desperate. While she was still unsure how she felt about his admission, Jemma knew deep down in her bones that she loved him, whether romantically or not. She loved him, and she did not want him to sacrifice himself for her._

_“No,” She kept repeating, tears blurring her vision and choking her words. “_ No _.” A final smile, and suddenly his hand shot downward faster than she could move._

_As the water rushed in, all she could do was scream._

The sound of the team gaining on her position spurring Jemma on, not willing to be taken from her task. Fitz had to be here, he just had to be. The thought of coming all this way for nothing, only to be separated again, was unacceptable. She would _not_ accept that he was gone. Again.

 

_Flashes of the year after the pod flooded in, the feelings of heartache and loneliness while undercover nearly overwhelming her. Jemma told herself it was the right thing, to separate herself from him so that he could recover properly. Still, a large part of her felt guilty for leaving him so suddenly. She had wanted to stay, to never leave his side again, but the facts were undisputable. As long as she remained, he would never get better. The realization that day, sitting at his hospital bed after the fourth week of therapy and him still unable to speak, had nearly hollowed out her spirit. They hadn’t been apart for this long since the Academy, and Jemma soon realized why. The world just…less without him. So she buried herself in her undercover work, hoping beyond hope that her sacrifice would mean Fitz would be well by the time she got back._

She was finally getting to the back of the ship where Enoch had said he was when the invading group struck. Fitz would have been fascinated by the design of the alien ship, but Jemma was less than impressed by it. All it seemed to be doing was keeping her from reuniting with him.

 

_When she returned, things were worse than she could have ever imagined. Having Fitz unable to speak or remember her was one thing, but having him despise her was even worse. She told herself over and over the reasons why she left, but every interaction only made her doubt them even more. After months of cold indifference and increasing separation from her, Jemma was barely sleeping anymore. She had spent months making sense of what happened in the pod, and finally coming to grips with how she felt about him. Now, she was hesitant to show it, for fear of him thinking she was mocking him. It was madness, having these feelings unlocked and unable to do anything about it. Is this how Fitz felt all that time? Her heart fluttered every time he entered the room,  and sank lower when he did not talk with her like they used to. None of it made sense, and she was not sure her emotions could take it. What horrible wrong had she committed in her life to make this be her fate?_

Jemma paused in her frantic search, convinced now that she had already passed by this hallway. Frustration narrowed her vision, and she instead turned down a previously unknown hallway to the lower parts of the ship.

 

_Slowly, over months and months, they managed to repair their friendship. It had taken far longer than she had ever anticipated, but Jemma was beyond happy that they were on good terms again. It felt like she could breathe again, and suddenly her days were not so morose. Then the bloody idiot decided he needed to be a hero again. After watching Hunter and Bobbi, Jemma knew that she had to say something. Anything. Keep him from going, if it came to it. She was determined, yet terrified that she might mess it up again. After initially stumbling over her words, Jemma finally was able to quietly voice the hope that seemed to soar in her chest. The look in Fitz’s eyes as he beheld her, vulnerable and clinging to his hand like he was a lifeline, was one of incredulity and…love. It was unmistakable, and she nearly sobbed in relief that it she hadn’t ruined them yet. The moment was shattered as Coulson entered and called Fitz away, leaving her alone once again and breathlessly worrying like she had for the past year._

_When he finally returned, she was content to simply have him back. Their talk could wait until things returned to normal, and Jemma was determined not to rock the boat. Her surprise when he boldly asked her to dinner was almost palpable, but so was her joy. She watched as he awkwardly fiddled with the door to the obelisk, his nervousness making him all the more endearing and causing the corners of her lips to pull upward. The promise of a date made her spirit soar, and she couldn’t help a small but fierce grin when he left the room._

_Then everything went black. Then blue._

The memories of Maveth nearly caused Jemma to pause, but she eventually continued on. Behind her, Daisy came into view and finally caught up with her.

 

“Jemma,” She said, panting. “Hold on, please.” Despite her drive forward, Jemma forced herself to pause.

 

“Don’t try to stop me, Daisy.” She said fiercely. “Fitz has to be here. He just has to.”

 

Her friend looked like she wanted to argue, but Jemma was genuinely surprised when the Inhuman nodded. “If you say he is, I believe you.” Tears of gratitude began to well up in Jemma’s eyes. “I’ve got your back.” Jemma did not know what to say.

 

Daisy wiggled her eyebrows playfully. “Well, what are we waiting for? Lets go get him.” With that, the pair continued on down the increasingly dark hallway.

 

Memories continued to fly unbidden into Jemma’s mind.

_Endless nights trapped on that hellish planet. Losing all hope. Being forced to live each day with the fear of dying away from him, away from the team, was nearly the end of her. Jemma recounted the horrible day when she could no longer look at their pictures in her phone, and the realization that maybe, this time, there was no rescue._ But we’re going to dinner _, she kept thinking. The promise kept her pushing forward for weeks, but eventually the weight of the situation and the lack of any hope settled in. It was the first and only time she truly gave up. Memories of her mistakes and nightmares nearly clouded her judgement._

_When that flare shot over the desolate blue horizon, Jemma almost felt reborn. Hope exploded within her, and soon she found herself struggling against he harsh winds to find the hand of the man who refused to give up on her. Who would always find her. When she was finally on Earth again, the joy of being home with him was only surpassed by the guilt and the debt she felt towards the man she left behind on Maveth. And Fitz, bless him, took all of it without complaint, which she soon found to be incredibly annoying. How can he be fine with this? That she felt love for another man? That he wanted to help her retrieve him potentially at the cost of the world’s safety?_

_She soon discovered that he was equally as frustrated, culminating in the first of what she had then hoped would be many more kisses. As fierce as it was tender, Jemma wonder how in the world they had gone without doing that for all these years. His remark that they were cursed cut her to the bone, reminding her that despite her insistence that destiny was a false construct, their lives had been nothing but obstacles in the way of happiness. After seeing another round of horrors, it seemed to them pointless to avoid feeling what they felt towards one another. The memories of their first night together brought heat to Jemma’s cheeks. They had crossed the event horizon. If they were going to suffer, they would do it together. If they were going to fight the good fight, they were going to do it together. Nothing would stand in their way again._

Together, Jemma and Daisy made quick work of the halls and the rooms within them. Very soon, the pair encountered a locked door that led to where Daisy stated was the cargo hold. If Fitz was anywhere aboard the ship, he would be inside here. Jemma waiting anxiously as her friend manually attempted to hack the door.

 

_Flashes of AIDA and the Framework flitted around in Jemma’s mind, conjuring up feelings of desperation and fear. The simulated world had been one of Jemma’s worst nightmares, watching the man she loved become something she could barely recognize. In her darkest moments, the feeling of that cold gun pressed to her head still makes her heart clench in fear. Fitz’s expressionless eyes pouring into her own as he demands she state she never loved him. Her squared jaw as she denies him this excuse to kill her, instead stating plainly that she loved him, as if it were the secret to the universe, to life itself. Hearing that she meant nothing to him in return was akin to experiencing all the months after HYDRA and Maveth in one heart-shattering moment._

_In the aftermath of the Framework, the two of them leaned on each other to recover and to make sense of what had happened. Having the Doctor’s personality within him was something that traumatized Fitz and what caused him to doubt whether or not Jemma should truly love him at all. She tried to assuage such thoughts with a touch or a reassuring word, but nothing seemed to be good enough. When he was kidnapped by AIDA and finally voiced that he was irrevocably in love with Jemma, her heart only then began to truly heal. They resolved to work through their experiences together, and Jemma could still remember the feeling of his hand caressing her back as they sat in that diner._

With a jolt, Jemma watched as the door slid open to reveal a dark and foreboding-looking room. _He’s alive, he’s alive, he’s alive_ , she continued to say.

 

“Jemma,” Daisy started, but as soon as she spoke the lights came on, illuminating the space.

 

_Months of captivity and servitude to Kasius was degrading enough without acknowledging the pit in her stomach that always seemed to form when Fitz was not there. As far as she knew, he was trapped in the past and had already lived out the rest of his life without her. The thought was almost unbearable to consider, and lived as a silent behemoth in the back of her head whenever she thought of him during her captivity. When she turned the corner to see him that day, sauntering over and staring at her like he had the day they first kissed, Jemma’s world halted and suddenly things were hopeful again. They escaped together, defeated their enemies, and even managed to return to the present, all while remaining together._

_Jemma had originally envisioned being married in a small church with her family and close friends, somewhere in the rolling countryside of England. From there, they would move to their cottage in Perthshire, where their lives would remain peaceful and free from any world-shattering danger. Being married in a forest dimension within a secret underground bunker was definitely not the wedding she had envisioned, but it was still everything that she had ever wanted._

 

Jemma blinked as she adjusted to the light.

 

_“I think that you’re perfect.” Fitz almost breathed as they held hands, his eyes shining. “And um, I don’t deserve you, Jemma. I don’t.” He reiterated as she cocked her head to the side in smiling disagreement. “I don’t deserve you. And I’m well aware that I am the luckiest man on any planet.” More sniffles from Jemma and the others as Coulson gave the two of them their rings._

_“Quickly please, before this forest collapses around us.” Chuckles echoed throughout the smiling crowd. Coulson paused, and looked incredibly proud. “Okay, Fitz, repeat after me. ‘With this ring’-“_

_Fitz reverently slid the ring over her finger. Jemma’s smile widened as she beheld it and gripped his other hand tighter. “With this ring-“ Fitz repeated, looking at her with the stars in his eyes._

_“I thee wed.” Coulson finished._

_“I thee wed.” Fitz repeated. Jemma swallowed the lump in her throat as she repeated the same, sliding the ring onto his finger and watching as he let out a breath._

_Jemma could hear Daisy sniffing and saw Mack grinning as he filmed the event. Coulson looked at the two of them proudly as he stated, “Now by the powers vested in me by…well, by the two of you, I am so happy to pronounce you husband and wife.” A pause. “You may kiss the bride.” Jemma’s lips found Fitz’s and the sounds of her friends – no, her_ family _\- cheering filled her ears as they parted. Grinning blissfully like the two idiots in love they were, Jemma could not remember in that moment when she had been happier._

Blood was everywhere.

 

The few pieces of cargo in the ship were tossed and on their side, while the cryo chamber that Fitz had clearly been in was smeared with a mixture of red blood and some green liquid. Two hand-shaped bloody smear marks led away from the pod, as if someone had been badly wounded and then was pulled forcefully from the room. Beside her, Daisy staggered backward in horror at the sight until she hit the wall, covering her mouth. Behind her, the team had finally caught up with them and their gasps could be heard alongside Daisy’s.

 

Jemma couldn’t breathe.

 

He was gone. Fitz was gone. He was taken and, judging by the amount of blood in the room, was badly wounded. By the look of it, he gave whatever group that took him a good fight before finally being dragged off. Slowly, Jemma walked up to the pod that had until recently contained the love of her life. Placing a hand on the exterior, she saw that the bloodstains originated from within the pod and seemed to even be on the inside of the window. The reality of the situation seemed to hit her all at once, knocking Jemma to her knees. Hot tears began falling unbidden from her eyes, which were now screwed shut in frustration and grief.

 

_Jemma heard what Mack said, but did not quite believe it. It wasn’t possible, she reasoned. He had promised to always be with her, no matter what. They had survived space, time travel, alien invasions, and countless other obstacles. Death was the least challenging thing they had encountered, and it seemed oddly small compared to their experiences. The possibility of having to live without Fitz for the rest of her life seemed to envelop her and drag her down into the abyss. He couldn’t be gone, she reasoned. If anyone was going to kill him, it would be Jemma if he kept her waiting any longer. For a few moments, she held her breath, half-expecting him to walk in the room after Mack’s silent departure. When he didn’t saunter in with that smile or the stars in his eyes, Jemma was forced to consider that maybe…_

_Wait._

_Time travel. The team had time travelled to the future. Fitz had to follow them the only way that he could without the aid of a monolith; suspended animation. That meant that somewhere in the present time, there was a version of him before his arrival in the future. Not dead. Still alive._

_Her Fitz._

_The thought propelled her forward, suppressing the grief and anger that threatened to overtake her._ He’s still alive, _she told herself. There was nothing to be worried about; they would find him and everything will be okay again. As plans began to form in her mind, Jemma kept the darkness from overtaking her by reciting the same words like a chant, like a prayer of some dark recess of her heart._ He’s still alive, he’s still alive, he’s still alive _, Jemma continued to think, pushing her feelings ever deeper._

For the first time in weeks, her mantra did not save her. Grief overtook Jemma like a strong wind, bearing her ever forward toward the realm of despair. All the fear and sadness that she had been suppressing over the past few weeks seemed to rush in at once. Yet despite this realization Jemma knew one thing.

 

She would find Fitz again. If there was one thing the universe had shown them, it was that no matter how far apart they were or how many dangers lay between them, nothing could stop them indefinitely.

 

They would always find each other.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I know this one is extremely sad, but I tried to end on a somewhat hopeful note. I haven't written anything in a long while, so please forgive lack of writing ability. Hope you guys like it :)


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